Gains and Losses Since Becoming a Mommy

Throughout my journey to becoming a mom, and in my first 15 months of parenthood, my life has changed pretty drastically. Those commercials say it best: "Having a baby changes everything." It really does. There are moments of pure joy and moments of feeling like a failure; some days filled with desperate tears and others filled with blissful laughter. And my son isn't even two yet. It's been an adventure, to say the least. Here are some of the things I've lost and gained along the way.

Things I've lost:

• Sleep. My kid was definitely not the one who was sleeping through the night as soon as we brought him home. The sleep deprivation was rough and that's no exaggeration. Thankfully, he does sleep through the night now, but he doesn't sleep in. We're still up pretty early most mornings, even on the weekend.
• The ability to remember anything. What did I have for lunch yesterday? When was our last oil change? I have no idea. Apparently having a baby really screws with your short term memory (thank goodness for the little sticker they put on my car at the oil change place).
• Money. Kids are expensive. The cost of diapering and feeding your baby is only the beginning. Don't even get me started on daycare, baby gear, clothing, and trips to the pediatrician's office.
• Time alone. I can't remember the last time I did something by myself, but that could also be related to the short-term memory loss issue. (ha.) I have also started showering at night, which I do not actually prefer, but it is necessary for the time being (remember those early mornings I mentioned? Yeah, they'd be even earlier if I got up in time to shower and primp).
• Spontaneity. In our former lives, hubby and I used to jump in the car at a moment's notice and start driving without any idea where we were going. We would often end up at a restaurant or a store and talk, eat, people watch.. whatever. Now, we must "be spontaneous" when Colin is well rested and fed (unless we want to see him melt down in public), during daylight hours, and only after packing the diaper bag full of diapers, wipes, sippy cups, pacifiers, snacks, and toddler distractions.
• All sense of dignity. The thought of going to the gyno used to give me sweaty palms, and now it's no biggie. After being poked and prodded during my pregnancy and labor, and finally having my child surgically removed from my body, you can't hurt, scare, or embarrass me.

Things I've gained:

• The ability to love someone at first sight, deeply and unconditionally.
• Prioritization. Since becoming a mother, I have made a conscious effort to hold God and family closest to my heart, and to live my life in a way that reflects that.
• Perspective. Once upon a time, I was easily bothered by some pretty insignificant things. Now that I have experienced some of the highest highs and lowest lows, the little things don't get to me quite as much and I find myself more able to let them roll off my back.
• More respect for other parents. If there is one major lesson I have learned, it's that parenting is not a "one size fits all" type of deal. Every parent is different, and every child is different. What works for you may not work for me, and vice versa. Cloth diapers vs disposables; breast milk vs formula; non-medicated hypnobirthing vs an epidural; bed-sharing vs using a crib. Can we just agree that a happy mom equals a happy baby, and we all just need to do what's best for us and our babies without judging each other?
• A closer relationship with my husband. He's always been my love, but it's so amazing to see him in the role of Daddy. Navigating this together has really strengthened us, I think.
• The ability to handle all things yucky without thinking twice or gagging. This includes snot, vomit, pee, poop, and chewed-up food. In my former life, I don't think I could have handled any of these things. My husband is still working on this skill.
• The ability to say with confidence that yes, I want more children. Despite the tough moments, parenthood is so worth it. When my little boy reaches up to hold my hand, smiles so big at me, or runs into my open arms when I catch his eye at daycare, every hint of negativity melts away and my heart overflows with pure love.

Being a mama is just the best.