For some reason, I always thought breastfeeding would be easy. I mean, if you've never done it before, it seems logical. Insert boob in baby's mouth, baby eats efficiently and happily. It's free, and great for mom and baby. End of story. Right? Wrong, at least in my case. Because of the trauma surrounding Colin's birth (emergency c-section and all), my milk didn't come in right away, which was stressful for the both of us, and nursing was painful for me from day 1. He also had an awkward latch with his tiny mouth, and we ended up having to use a nipple shield, which seemed to work pretty well for a while. But, he was also a leisurely diner, and would often take up to an hour per nursing session. It felt like nursing was all I did. So, I decided to start pumping.
Pumping seemed like the best solution. It couldn't be that hard, right? Insert boob into flange, turn on pump, sit there and let the thing catch glorious amounts of precious breast milk for baby to drink out of a bottle. Ugh.. wrong again. No matter how often I pumped, how much water I drank, how many calories I made an effort to consume.. I always pumped about 1 oz per breast each session. I began to feel like the pump was attached to me with a ball and chain. It consumed copious amounts of my time, and for what.. 2 oz of breast milk every 3 hours? Because Colin is such a good eater, it was taking 2 pumping sessions to make enough milk for one feeding, so he was already getting more formula than breast milk anyway, to be sure he was getting enough calories and gaining the right amount of weight.
Last night, as I was pumping, it occurred to me that Colin and I would both be happier if I quit stressing so much about the whole thing. As much as it frustrated me to do so, I made the decision to skip a pumping session and see if I ended up engorged and full of milk. Skipping one session didn't seem to affect me at all, so I skipped another.. and another.. until I had gone one full day without pumping. Just a little while ago, I hooked myself up to the pump to relieve the slight bit of pressure I was experiencing, and got less than half an ounce, total. And so, with that, I'm pretty sure I'm done.
I will admit.. the thought of giving up on breastfeeding makes me feel just a tiny bit like a failure. Women do it all the time, so why can't I? I know that there are ways to increase your supply, and there are lactation consultants (I've already been to one). But, you know what? For me -- for us -- I think formula is going to be the best route from here on out. A happy mom equals a happy baby, and I believe that this is what we need to do to keep us both happy. I do intend to try again with our next baby, and I take comfort in the fact that my son got a decent amount of breast milk in his first month of life, including the precious colostrum when he was first born. I know I am not a failure, and that many moms formula feed. I am a proud parent who loves my child and wants only the best for him, and who wants to be the best mother I can possibly be.
And now.. here's a healthy dose of cuteness to tide you over!
0 comments:
Post a Comment